I'm stuck here in the Adirondack Mountains, sleeping in a rustic cottage, overlooking Upper Saranac Lake, nothing to do but sit on the deck and read or talk with friends and drink a rum and tonic and I think to myself: the problem with vacations is it provides me with way too much time to think and then my next thought is : Good God woman, LIGHTEN UP!
I have spent way too much of my life taking myself far too seriously. I look at my son Jesse and he is interested in one or two things as the 12 year old life purpose: what makes people laugh and how can I master the acoustic guitar without having to actually take lessons? Turns out he's pretty good at both of those things and it inspires the hell out of me!
This spring, for instance, I made a complete fool of myself and total mess of my marriage and family life. WHY? BECAUSE I COULD! Because, for some reason, I had the courage to jump off of a cliff when the impulse to have a wild and passionate love affair overtook my brain to the extent that I was no longer in control. It was like be possessed! Possessed by some wanton chick I've worked really hard at quashing in my adult life, mostly cuz I didn't want to turn into my mother. But what a gas it was, riding that wave of libido and adrenaline. Regular life is so boring in comparison and there in lies the rub! I see now how people get addicted to things that are not good for them...It's a thrill and it's exciting and hey, who cares if it's bound for tragedy, it's a big freaking reminder that I'M ALIVE!!
No comments:
Post a Comment